On that Snowy Day
by sinisteredgirl
Summary: Ruka muses over a Love that is lost, and Hotaru listens. (Manga-verse)


So I was suddenly hit by the GA bug and decided to write this little (?) piece. I haven't visited the fandom for a long time (give or take 4 years) and it occurred to me how much I really love the side-protagonists Ruka and Hotaru. It's probably because Mikan and Natsume hog much of the spotlight that we are left little with those two characters previously mentioned.

Also, I wrote this while listening to 'Dimensions' from the movie Her. I think it fits this fic perfectly.

Well then, I hope you enjoy! GA does not belong to me, of course.

* * *

The day after Christmas always meant the holiday clean-up for the student body.

And it entailed the whole day, as Gakuen Alice usually has a lot more decorations than most (both alive and not.) The clean-up included the event place itself, the town decorations, and even the shenanigans down by the dormitories. It didn't help of course that snow drizzled continuously outside, which made the cleaning that day even more demanding that it already was.

And so it was on that cold and busy day that Ruka found himself wandering on one of the more remote places on the campus. He had quickly finished cleaning his assigned area (thanks to his animal friends), and was about to move to the next when he passed by the park and decided to rest on one of the benches. No one's there of course, not with the weather that day. The fact of the latter registered in his mind, and he half-chided himself as he hugged his coat closer to his body. The park was no good for a snowy day such as this.

But it was quiet, and he needed that. After the festive noises of Christmas Eve, it was a well-sought peace. Besides, the weight of last night still hasn't left his mind. Natsume's...outburst confounded him, made him grasp at straws on what to say to his best friend. _How_ do you comfort someone who knows he's near his death? Who's afraid of dying before being able to save the one he loves most? Natsume entrusted the care of Mikan to him if anything were to happen, but...

' _But I'm not what she needs._ ' Ruka weighed in on himself. There was a dull twinge in that thought, heightened only by the biting cold of winter snow. He hadn't thought about it much last night, but now...

 _FLASH_

'Wha-'

He turned around, only to be greeted by another flash from the camera. Of course, this can only be..." **IMAI**!"

Hotaru nonchalantly raised her eyes from the eyepiece and browsed through the captured pictures, seemingly paying a bat's attention to the angry boy in front of her. "This would go well with the Winter Collection."

"The Winter Colle-Imai! Stop selling them!"

"And deprive myself a lucrative source of money? Perish the thought." She momentarily looked up from her camera to meet Ruka's eyes. "Your fanclub pays a lot, you know?"

Ruka's cheeks and ears went pink. It always unsettled him to hear anything with regard to that...group. "I-I don't..."

Hotaru lazily sat beside the stammering Ruka while browsing once again through the pictures of her camera. "Regardless, they've been getting a tad bit bold recently. They've been asking for some...interesting poses and angles I'm not sure I can deliver."

If Ruka thought his face couldn't get any redder, he was wrong. "A-Angles..?"

"Do you want me to elaborate?"

"No, please don't." came his hurried reply.

Hotaru placed a finger on her chin, seemingly contemplating. "Although if the price is right..."

"IMAI!"

"What? Business is business."

"Yeah, and so is harassment. I can't believe you..." Ruka huffed, wisps of cold breath flushed by the wind. He looked up again and saw what seemed to be a trace of a smile on her face. It was something seemingly so foreign, and yet not in the least bit unwelcome.

It was the comfort of old habits, he guessed. Not that he was particularly fond of her blackmailing, of course, but there was a quaint familiarity to this. And so he smiled back, and then settled on that meaningful silence that enveloped the two as they swept their eyes back on the scenery.

Quiet moments like these were rare for Ruka, more so when Sakura had been around. Even now, he half-expected her to pop out from nowhere and to drag him and her bestfriend out to some trouble, both big and small. That was like her, he mused; always followed by trouble, but also by joy and light.

He glanced momentarily at Hotaru, and he saw that once again, she was gazing off at the direction where she thought Mikan was at. "You're doing that again," Ruka half-consciously blurted out, which made Hotaru whip her head at him. "You're looking at the direction where you think Sakura is held."

Her calculative stare deepened, which shook him into consciousness as he realized he was talking out loud. "I-I mean, that's what I think you're doing. I just noticed." He scrambled for words. "I-It's not that I'm watching you or anything."

Hotaru gave him an amused look. "And _you_ look stupidly dazed and upset when it rains."

It was Ruka's turn to stare. "I do not!"

"You'd just stand there all sullen-looking and broody. I'd say even worse than Natsume-kun." she replied in a matter-of-factly voice.

Ruka did **_NOT_** brood worse than his best friend. "I don't sulk-"

"See for yourself." she handed him her camera, and on its monitor were pictures of him...moping...with the rain outside the classroom windows.

"There—there are so many pictures! How—Why—"

"You were too busy moping to even notice my taking of them." Hotaru answered. "Plus, these pictures of yours fetch higher prices than others. Your fanclub seems to like them very much."

For the first time, Ruka was speechless. It seems the evil (and money-making ability) of this person knew no bounds. But Hotaru gave him a knowing look, and he knew he had to explain.

He looked at his hands, and watched a snowflake drop into it. Somehow, it got a bit colder. "It's just that, when it rains, I remember the day they took Sakura away. She just went through so much grief, and even then, just as when she was about to be taken, she still…smiled."

"Of course she would. She wouldn't be Mikan if she doesn't." Hotaru replied coolly. "She smiled so that we wouldn't worry. She sacrificed so that we, too, could smile and have peace for the time being. And so we shouldn't waste her sacrifice."

She then turned to him, and his eyes met hers in full attentiveness. "I'm not saying we should smile as well, but we shouldn't drown on anguish either. And so lessen that brooding of yours—It would have just made her more sad."

He smiled warmly at that—at the magic Hotaru's words seemed to weave upon him. He guessed this was her way of comforting. "You truly are her best friend."

She shrugged. "Of course. No other has the patience and tolerance for idiots than me. Besides," she then raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't brooding more the suit of _your_ best friend?"

Ruka laughed at this. "Ha! He's an expert at that." He then momentarily turned back to scenery-watching before speaking.

"I forgot to tell you...Natsume was able to meet Sakura last night."

Hotaru's eyes widened at the news. Ruka continued, "It was a very brief moment, he told me. While he was seaching for her, a mansion suddenly appeared before him with Sakura on the balcony. She seemed to be alright and well. Plus, she received the gifts we sent her."

Hotaru had that slightly troubled look on her as she tried to process what her companion just said. "The mansion...?"

He shook his head. "Disappeared shortly afterwards. He tried searching for it again a while ago at dawn, but no such luck. It seems protected by a very powerful barrier."

Of course, both of them knew that it was a machination of the MSP, and that the chance-meeting between the two was made possible by him as well. "I think it was a Christmas gift for the two of them," Ruka mused. There was that dull twinge again—that annoying, pestering, hollow thud inside.

He felt the sting of the cold again, and he glanced to see his companion staring at him with that sharp, impenetrable look of hers. For a moment, he marvelled at its intensity, how by that glance alone she seemed to know what's going on inside him, like she had heard that thud as well as he did. It was a command to confess, an urge to go on.

And Ruka felt his inner guard crumbling at that.

"I..." he started, trying to form words in his mouth to match the turmoil inside him. "I feel happy for them, of course." He remembered his reaction when Natsume first told him of their fateful encounter. Ruka was truly happy, of course. There was no doubt in his mind that this was a blessing for the two of them, nor was there any malice from his well-wishing.

But when did the dull ache started, he did not know. Perhaps it got buried by other emotions, only to resurface some thoughtful, reflecting moments later when he realized what that Christmas encounter truly _meant_ —and what it holds for him and Sakura.

 _That he has lost long ago._

And when he did realize that, the hollow pain became more salient. But he still did not know what it was. And so he ignored it—persistent and annoying though it was.

"I'm glad that two of the people I love most have both their wishes come true."

And that was true. But she looked at him piercingly.

And all of a sudden he understood the meaning of that dull ache.

"But I..."

That was the sound of his heart breaking.

"...I can't help but feel…a little _hurt._ " His voice trailed into a whisper, and unbidden tears pricked his eyes. Acknowledgement made the ache resound throughout his being.

But this hurt has opened some kind of floodgate within him, and through it his emotions poured forth. "I did confess to Sakura, you know—back when we were escaping towards the Keyhole." He chuckled at the memory. "I know it wasn't the ideal time to do things like that, but I—I guess the thought of not seeing her again gave me the push to do it."

He glanced up at the thought. The snow was unrelenting, unforgiving— _cold_. "I told her that I have never loved a girl as much as her, but that I knew she was destined for Natsume, so I assured her that Natsume would come look for her no matter what."

A few tears escaped his eyes, and he let out a soft sigh. Hotaru's eyes never left his figure, bearing an unreadable gaze. "But even though I said that, there is still a part of me that..." Ruka's voice wavered. "…that hurts, knowing that I would never be what Natsume is to Sakura."

 _Knowing that his love would never be returned_.

He closed his eyes as an over washing grief rushed through him.

' _If one day, I can make my own Alice stone, I'll give it to you, Sakura!'_

' _I, too, would protect Sakura. Because I'm not second to Natsume in liking Sakura.'_

' _Just once, in front of Sakura, I want to become best!'_

' _If I think that, after this, I wouldn't be able to see you again, I wish that even for a moment, time would stop right now…'_

'… _It's the first time that I've loved a girl so much. And that's you, Sakura_.'

More tears flowed to his cheeks, and he quickly wiped it off with his left palm. "Ah, I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm sharing these with you. N-No doubt I've given you enough content for blackmail," He laughed a little. "I really do look like an idiot, don't I—"

He was cut off by the sudden warm weight in his right hand, and he glanced to see her smiling at him for the second time that day. There was a softness in her eyes that he had never seen before, and a tenderness that came with her gentle smile.

 _It's alright._

The hand around his own tightened, and he opened his palm and accepted it—letting her own warmth unravel in his cold hand. He gave her a weak smile through his tear-stained face, and a thousand thanks he conveyed through their connected touch.

They sat there like that for a little while. Snow still drizzled incessantly, but with that warm hand clasped on his own, it wasn't so cold anymore.

* * *

I remember one of my professors in Philosophy saying that the unrequited love is the purest love of all. Because it is a Love made from pure Giving. But it also is the most painful, for the same reason stated.

This is a general friendship, but feel free to see this in a romantic light (shhhh I ship them as well. Yes, I've read the real epilogue, but that doesn't stop me from loving this pair.)


End file.
